Appalled!

Appalled!

I’m appalled! By what, you ask. By the fact that I suck at parenting.

I always thought I would rock motherhood. I’ve worked with kids my entire

life. I love kids and they love me back. I took like 9,000 parenting classes

and child development. I should be ready for anything when it comes to

these kids. Well guess what, none of that helped. I laugh a lot as a parent,

I would say that’s a good thing but mostly it’s to keep from crying. Like how

did these little humans come from something so great and turn out to be

them. NOT SORRY! I nurtured these kids, gave them the best I could. I had

them natural because I wanted to be at my best when they made it into this

world. I breastfeed them. I loved and hated that. My boobs still hurt just

thinking about it. I always told them what was going on, even before they

could understand. I would say mommy is leaving to go to work but I will be

back, I love you so much. As they got older and they would cry I would let

explain what they felt and why. They didn’t many spanking either. I would

get down or their level and tell them that it was not okay to act out and yell

out in the store, and then most likely distract them. I would apologize when

I was wrong. All the things I could never get growing up and look at me not.

Feeling like my mama probably felt, lost. How is this possible you are such

a great mom? You are wondering (lol) I know I know. I’m here to tell you

there is no perfect way to parent. So even if you do everything right as I did,

you will still not get perfect children. ( and if you do, screw you this not for

you) Children have their own journeys to take and we can not stop that no

matter how hard we try. I do what I think is right and that’s all you can do.

Teach what you want them to learn but you can’t force them to get it. I’m

done trying to be perfect, where my belt at? Who are you to judge me? HA

I pray

I pray

Dear God,

Please protect my children.

Protect them from the streets, from themselves and anyone against them.

God, give them the wisdom and knowledge to make it in this crazy world.

Help them to feel your presence whenever they need you and help them to bold so they may call on you when they are in trouble.

Help them to not lean on their own understanding, because Lord not everything makes sense to the human mind.

Dear God,

Help my children be gentle and kind to others.

Help them to be leaders or followers of those who do good.

Please give them the confidence to be themselves.

Lord, help them to love in difficult situations. Let them be a light to the world so they may drive out darkness.

All these things I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

I thought wrong.

I thought wrong.

I thought that I could deal with having a teenager. I assumed teenagers were the same as when we grew up, needed what we needed. Well, I was completely wrong, we are not the same. My son is only 12 years old and already giving me the blues. I just don’t understand what the thoughts are in his head. I guess this is what happens when you think you’re a cool parent with open communication. It’s all been a lie the dude is not planning to share his life with me and it’s driving me crazy. I bet my mom felt this when I was in middle school, which was the beginning of my problem years. I just hoping I can keep him from straying to far away. I’ve been trying to guide him toward greatness since birth and Lord I hope something will stick. Ya’ll just please pray for your girl, give me some advice, do something. Don’t read this and ignore me, because it’s a cry for help. Let me know I will survive.

Faults in Parenting… oops

Faults in Parenting… oops

I definitely spend a lot of my time thinking of ways I can be a better parent. There are so many things I’m trying to avoid I forget to focus on what I am doing. There are a lot of things I like and dislike about how I grew up. I get so catch up in the downfalls I forget that my children were not there. I am trying to undo things that were never done. They have always been able to express themselves as long as they were not yelling or whining. That means I listen to every little thing they have to say, which drives me crazy. I always think I’m going to miss something important and they are going to feel neglected and un heard. First off why am I torturing myself they are only talking because they know I will stop to listen. Half of the time they have nothing relevant to say, when I answer them they just make something up. I recently started this bible plan Parenting God’s Way and I find it very helpful. I know that children learn mostly by following example, and this lesson made me realize that I’m not showing them what I want from them. I say things that are random and irrelevant on a daily basis, how dare me get mad at them. I do it to start conversation, but so do they. ( They just don’t have to skills to know how to include me in the conversation.) I also realized they don’t really ever see me spending time enjoying myself and the things I love. I participate in what everyone else likes all day and don’t just get off by myself and do me. My children would not need to always feel like they have to be a part of what someone else is doing if they saw that is someone else. Thank God for bible lessons right? I had no idea I was doing this. One thing I loved about growing up was being involved in church activities. I don’t really attend church regularly because of person issues but that’s not what I want for my children. Church has shaped me in a lot of ways and always lead me back to the correct path. So it looks like this mama has some work to do.

Who Else Wants to Fight a 3 Year Old?

Who Else Wants to Fight a 3 Year Old?

I don’t like my 3 year old. I mean I love him to life, but OMG I want fight him everyday. What makes 3 years old so hard? He literally argues about everything. I’,m not sweet, I’m smart. I’m not 3 I’m 43, that wasn’t me that was bro bro. Can you ever just agree or do what I say without me having to yell it 5 times? I feel like he is taunting me and challenging this whole gentle parent thing, which i’m pretty sure I do wrong anyways. I mean how many of them yell and say bad words? We were at the doctors office and he was crying non-stop. First he wanted to play with a service dog, and I explained that he could not do that. Then he wanted to go up the elevator and I told afterwards we could go, but that wasn’t good enough. It was a full 30 minutes of people staring at me and him throwing a fit. The lady that finally called us up, said you have so much patience. (what she was really saying in her eyes was why are not just leaving) I get it. I want to explain to everyone in the room that me leaving is only teaching him he gets to leave a place if he throws a fit. So I’m suppose to try in the house with me 3 year old until he can accept the word no? I think no. I know they don’t want me to spank him? So someone can jump up and say that’s abuse, he’s only a child. No, they want what I want. They want my child to be 3 and hear the word and accept it and move on. Well guess what 3 year old’s are not so good at that, and he’s learning. That behavior being age appropriate does not make me like him tho. HA! He frustrates me like no other. It’s also because when he does get over it he actually apologizes and shows me love. -It’s adorable. Acknowledgement, that he knew he was wrong the entire time. UGH

Attempt

Attempt

okay, I had to completely revamp the site so it could be what I intended.

This is my first official start over blog and it’s painful to write. I love my

littles so much. They drive me crazy, but honestly I wouldn’t want to do life

without them. I say that because a few weeks ago that could’ve been the

case. My 12 year old son took a bunch of pills at school one day in attempt

to end his life. Honestly this was the most confusing thing I’ve ever

experienced in my life. This made me think about all the times I

playfully teased him, every time I yelled at him, every time I asked him

was he slow ( horrible I know) , all the times I told him his life was easy. I

felt bad for everything I had ever done wrong as a parent. I was also

confused because I thought I was doing okay as a parent. I’ve taken child

development courses, and we’re the type of family that talks about every

thing under the sun. We talk about his feelings, his poop, his thoughts. How

could I miss this, his hurt?

Okay the story… I was at the gym and got a call from the school nurse.

She told me Micah’s teacher had taken up a pill bottle from him and that

she needed a parent to pick it up. I called my husband and let him know.

He went to the school to get him and I was going home to see what

really happened. On my way I got another call from the nurse saying

that he had taken a hand full of pills according to friends. She elaborated

by saying he had done so in all 3 periods in attempt to hurt himself. That

alarmed me and I immediately called my husband back to give him that

information. He asked him about it and he did in fact say he wanted to

end his life. We ended up taking him to the hospital to see if he had caused

any damage and we asked him so many questions and talked so much, I’m

almost sure now he didn’t hear half of it. He told us it wasn’t us, but some

guys at school that had been picking on him. We had talked about

friends and being bullied often so I still had struggles with his explanation.

He ended up spending 5 days in a Mental Health facility and boy was that

the longest 5 days of my life. The first day was

super scary and the next day when we called to talk to him I was so

annoyed. He actually said he slept good and that he wasn’t sure if he

was ready to come home. What did he mean he wasn’t sure? Like we

didn’t give him everything and take good care of him. I was hurt and

honestly I still am. Well that call changed in the next few days.

He’s back home and we are getting through this one day

at a time. I feel like we are all trying to

figure out where to go from here.