Goddess Operating

Goddess Operating

I feel brave. I’ve done these same things before but now with confidence. I can say no and not feel guilty. I can say yes and then set boundaries. No one knows the battles I fight with myself daily, trying to make sure everyone is good. Now I hate to see you mad but I’m not here to fix it if the issue is not with me. Your energy no longer effects mine so you can sit with me but I’m only giving you a chance to adjust. The darkness can not overcome light. I get that now, my light was so dim before now. I’ve prayed the right prayers and said the right affirmations and I won’t stop. Now they don’t just see me they see who’s been within me this entire time. If God is for me who can be against me? Well turns out, a lot of y’all. Which is understandable. You haven’t experienced the higher power on the next level. Peace and love all around me. Maybe this is not even where I am but where I want to be.

Death is…

Death is…

Death is not something I speak on often. I hurt for individuals that lose their loves ones. I don’t understand death the way some others do. To me it’s not a punishment or reward. We are literally all here for a short time and we have to make the best of it. There is no way I can think about me losing a love one and not feel sadness. I feel like we are not ready for death, even when we see it coming. Death is not about us and should not stop our lives on earth. I know how dead you can feel on the inside when you feel like a part of you died, but I am too a part of you. So when I hurt do you feel it? We are connected not simply those that we had in our lives but to everyone. Death of one person can bring about a change in many others. Death, as weird as it sounds can be inspiring. Maybe someone who passed away encouraged you to write the book you had in mind, but you were afraid. With them being gone does it not feel like you should stop wasting your time. Maybe, just maybe the person you lost was only put here to spark something in you. I love all the individuals placed in my life, but I have no say so in how long they get to stay. I will give my love the best way I know how and except theirs. My heart goes out to all those hurting because no one love is the same. Love freely. Love daily. Love amazingly.

Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

Authoritarian and Authoritative Parenting

How you parent is so important to discuss because your partner may not agree or feel comfortable with your style. Me and my husband are totally different. This could be a major problem if we did not communicate and compromise well. I am always thinking about how they feel and want them to know their feelings matter, on the other hand my husband does not see the need to explain himself. I totally get that because how I grew up no adult was explaining anything, you just do what you are told. Sometimes he has to step in because my explaining why rules are rules and such seem like arguing with a child. I understand that it is not and they don’t mean to talk back but it gets frustrating. I think it’s a good balance of listen to your parents because they love you and hurry up and do what you are told. Some situations I allow him to handle and others I take control. We both know our boundaries so worse don’t step on each others toes. How ever you parent be mindful that you are helping to form who your children will become and how they parent themselves. Also respect your partner by being understanding and talking about behaviors that are healthy and those you feel like are not. What are you and your partners parenting styles? Do they work well together? Can you make them work?

So my littlest little is headed to big boy school… Rewind

Why the hell do I talk like that to everyone now. Big boy school? This has to be annoying to people who don’t have toddlers. I’m telling you they have more influence than anyone else in your life. This little boy has me dancing around the house, making sure I mimick his dance moves because I don’t want to be out. We go to the gym right after work because he wants to play after school and he obviously runs my life. Somebody save me! Send help. I’m losing to a four year old and I think he’s adorable so I keep giving in. Anyone else have this problem? I know I’m not alone. Well point is he won’t be little to much longer and I’m sad, because who will play with me then? 😭

Appalled!

Appalled!

I’m appalled! By what, you ask. By the fact that I suck at parenting.

I always thought I would rock motherhood. I’ve worked with kids my entire

life. I love kids and they love me back. I took like 9,000 parenting classes

and child development. I should be ready for anything when it comes to

these kids. Well guess what, none of that helped. I laugh a lot as a parent,

I would say that’s a good thing but mostly it’s to keep from crying. Like how

did these little humans come from something so great and turn out to be

them. NOT SORRY! I nurtured these kids, gave them the best I could. I had

them natural because I wanted to be at my best when they made it into this

world. I breastfeed them. I loved and hated that. My boobs still hurt just

thinking about it. I always told them what was going on, even before they

could understand. I would say mommy is leaving to go to work but I will be

back, I love you so much. As they got older and they would cry I would let

explain what they felt and why. They didn’t many spanking either. I would

get down or their level and tell them that it was not okay to act out and yell

out in the store, and then most likely distract them. I would apologize when

I was wrong. All the things I could never get growing up and look at me not.

Feeling like my mama probably felt, lost. How is this possible you are such

a great mom? You are wondering (lol) I know I know. I’m here to tell you

there is no perfect way to parent. So even if you do everything right as I did,

you will still not get perfect children. ( and if you do, screw you this not for

you) Children have their own journeys to take and we can not stop that no

matter how hard we try. I do what I think is right and that’s all you can do.

Teach what you want them to learn but you can’t force them to get it. I’m

done trying to be perfect, where my belt at? Who are you to judge me? HA

I pray

I pray

Dear God,

Please protect my children.

Protect them from the streets, from themselves and anyone against them.

God, give them the wisdom and knowledge to make it in this crazy world.

Help them to feel your presence whenever they need you and help them to bold so they may call on you when they are in trouble.

Help them to not lean on their own understanding, because Lord not everything makes sense to the human mind.

Dear God,

Help my children be gentle and kind to others.

Help them to be leaders or followers of those who do good.

Please give them the confidence to be themselves.

Lord, help them to love in difficult situations. Let them be a light to the world so they may drive out darkness.

All these things I pray in Jesus name, Amen.

I thought wrong.

I thought wrong.

I thought that I could deal with having a teenager. I assumed teenagers were the same as when we grew up, needed what we needed. Well, I was completely wrong, we are not the same. My son is only 12 years old and already giving me the blues. I just don’t understand what the thoughts are in his head. I guess this is what happens when you think you’re a cool parent with open communication. It’s all been a lie the dude is not planning to share his life with me and it’s driving me crazy. I bet my mom felt this when I was in middle school, which was the beginning of my problem years. I just hoping I can keep him from straying to far away. I’ve been trying to guide him toward greatness since birth and Lord I hope something will stick. Ya’ll just please pray for your girl, give me some advice, do something. Don’t read this and ignore me, because it’s a cry for help. Let me know I will survive.